When Emeka said he wanted to date me intentionally, I felt relieved.
We met through a church friend. He was thoughtful, consistent with his calls and clear that he hoped to marry someday. After years of vague “let’s see where this goes” conversations, his words sounded like an answer to prayer.
Eight months later, I realised we had never discussed what intentional meant to either of us.
I had stopped getting to know other men. I had introduced him to my sister. We spoke most evenings and had begun praying together about our futures.
But when a friend asked whether Emeka and I were in a committed relationship, I hesitated. We had never actually said so.
That weekend, I asked him.
“I care about you,” he said. “I’m serious about marriage. I just don’t want us to put pressure on this.”
I understood that he did not owe me a proposal after eight months. Still, I needed to know whether we were building something together or simply enjoying the possibility.
What intentional dating means to me
I do not expect a wedding date at the beginning of a relationship. I do expect us to be honest about our intentions and willing to revisit them as we learn more about each other.
For me, dating intentionally means I can ask:
- Are we getting to know each other with marriage as a possible goal?
- Are we exclusive, or are we both free to meet other people?
- What important beliefs, values and life plans do we need to discuss?
- If either of us realises this cannot lead to marriage, will we say so promptly?
- When should we pause and assess whether our relationship is growing in clarity?
The answers may change as we learn. I would rather hear an honest “I’m still deciding” than assume commitment because someone calls me every night.
What happened when I asked for clarity
Emeka admitted that he had assumed we were exclusive. He also said he wanted more time to discuss our views on family, relocation and finances before deciding whether to pursue engagement.
That answer did not settle our future. It gave us something honest to work with.
I told him that I was comfortable continuing to get to know him, but I did not want us to speak as though marriage was certain while avoiding the questions that would help us decide.
We agreed to have those conversations over the coming weeks. We also agreed that either of us could say if the relationship no longer seemed right.
I have learned that intentional dating does not guarantee marriage. It gives both people enough honesty and respect to make a wise decision about whether to continue.
As a Christian, I pray for guidance. I also need to speak truthfully and listen carefully. Ephesians 4:25 calls us to put away falsehood and speak truth with others. I cannot build a relationship on assumptions and expect prayer alone to make those assumptions clear.
I still care about Emeka. Now I know what he means when he says he is dating intentionally—and he knows what I mean, too.
Candid Question: If you asked the person you are dating what “intentional” means, would your answers agree?
CandidHeart — Real People. Real Intentions. Real Love.